I Win!

James Maxey was doing a book give away on his facebook.  The rules were we had to submit a haiku based on his fiction.  Fortunately the winner was based on a drawing and not the quality of the haiku.

And wouldn't you know it, I won.

You can read the haiku's here.  You can wish James a happy birthday while you are there.

Moving Pictures

I notice that one of my last post before taking this blogging sabbatical was a scathing review of The Last Mimzy.

I know it's much easier to write reviews for bad movies, so here are some good movies I have watched recently. Now keep in mind I don't go to the theater much at all any more, so these are most likely movies that have been out a while.

Penelope

How about starting off with a movie that will get people to call you gay for liking? Well stuff you! This movie was pretty good. It was so nice to see Christina Ricci in a movie where she wasn't playing a tramp, (ex: Black Snake Moan, and Buffalo 66). I say this because when I was 13 a movie came out called Adams Family Values. I don't know why, but I had a crush on Wednesday Adams. One of my first crushes I can remember. Her long black hair and foreboding attitude was something I liked. It was so disappointing to she her grow up to play such ho bags, there in defiling my childhood. Fortunately, she cleans up for her role in Penelope and is in a film I actually enjoy.

Ricci plays the title character, Penelope. Penelope's bloodline was cursed many generations ago by a witch. The next daughter born into the family would reap the detriment of said curse. Well it took a long while for someone in that family to finally sire a daughter, but when they did our Penelope happens to be the cursed child. Her curse? Basically Penelope has a pigs nose and pig ears. Other than that Penelope is modestly dressed, has long black hair, and despite her physical deformities still looks really pretty.

This movie unfortunately falls short by leaning on a Romantic comedy cliche. Guy says I'm this way, but he's not. Girl falls in love with Guy. Girl finds out guy is not who he says he is. Girl leaves guy. Guy shows girl he really loves her.

Despite this, it is still a fun movie to watch.

Star Trek

Yep, I went to the movie theater to see this one. And boy, was it worth it. I would have to see it again to give it thorough praise, but the casting, writing, and action sequences were awesome. I'm not a die hard Trekkie, but I know enough of the mythos to appreciate this movie.

My Name is Bruce

I know I said I wouldn't do any bad movies, but this is worth watching if you like Bruce Campbell. But only once.

7 is a Very Small Number

Seven.

Seven post last year. Amazing.

I think I can do better than that this year. That is my hope anyway.

You will have to excuse me, I haven't done this in a while and every time I do it is usually a blog about how many months it has been since my last post, just so you understand why this post is so disjointed.

So no promises this time other than that I will try to post more often.

Even though I am making no promises I think I will give out some blame.

This chair isn't ergonomic enough for me. Stupid chair! I can't blog in a stupid chair.

Guitar Hero is awesome. Stupid awesome game. I can't blog and play Guitar Hero at the same time.

That's all I have for now. I'll just up date this currently reading section of my blog and call it a day. See you in three months. Stupid Blog.

A Return to Arms

Hey there,

Remember me. Yeah, I'm the guy who used to write a blog called Dumb Stuff I Wrote. Now I sit on my ass and play video games. How cool it that? Instead of doing something productive I decided not do anything.

OK, I am being a little hard on myself. Don't get me wrong, there is still no excuse for not blogging. I did have time, but I just got out of the habit. It is a good habit to have. Especially for someone who would like to write for a living someday.

I couple of things could be a cause to my distraction. I got promoted at work, and my wife had a change in job, therein changing the landscape of my life, causing my lack of blogging.

But here's to starting a new/old habit.

Two things could be the reason for starting to write again.

1. I like to do it.

2.James Maxey, who's blog you can find on my links, mentioned this blog in his acknowledgments in the book Dragonforge.

Now the latter is the tipping point. I just needed a reason to start again.

Hopefully my absences will result in a wealth of things to blog about. As opposed to writing about the first thing that comes to mind.

Hoping that I post again this week,

-Jeff (J-Diggy aka Norton G)

P.S. Seeing his pseudonym in print made me realize how ridiculous it is. But, it made it impossible for me to think the mention in James Maxey's book was for anyone else.

The Last Mimzy

Today I finished watching The Last Mimzy. I am glad it's the last one. Because if they made another, I would have to punch someone in the face.

Where the hell to begin? Well, after I finished watching it, I couldn't stop saying, "Wow, that sucked ass!"

Ahhh! ASS!

Ok, now that that is out of the way, I can tell you why.

First off, the acting. Now, I understand that anytime you have kid actors in a movie, you kind of have to get over that acting of the kids. But, something has to be said about the way they were directed. The main problem was the boy. He really was dead pan throughout most of the movie. Picture this, it's the end of the movie and all hell is breaking loose. His sister ask him to grab this generator thing. His response is, "Yeah, OK." Like the freaking world isn't about to end. Whatever with that crap.

Secondly, the story was ridiculously incoherent. The two kids are on a beach and they find this box full of stones and crap. Also in the box is a stuffed animal bunny named Mimzy. While the kids are playing around with the crap they found they soon realize that the objects inside are unusual to say the least. The rabbit they found starts talking to the little girl. And the stones they found are making the boy a genius at talking to spiders. He uses his ability to talk to insects and arachnids to make them build a bridge for a science fair project. Why he didn't try to take over the world, I will never know.

Anyway, that generator thing shuts down half of Washington states power, there by alerting the FBI. The FBI arrest the kids and their parents, and soon discover that the talking bunny has artificial life. Who gave this bunny artificial life? Well that would be the good folks down at Intel. Yep, Intel. The bunny had "Intel inside". I will wait while you let that sink in...

I hope you have now gotten the phrase "sucks ass" out of you system now, cause it gets better.

Well, with the Intel discovery the FBI is now totally confused. Turns out some one from the future sent all this crap to the past. Not really a surprise, they kind of tell you that from the get;

Well, all of the sudden the kids can now talk to each other with their minds. So they easily escape. The little boy of no more than nine years of age high jacks a truck, in the FBI parking lot I might add, that just so happened to still have the keys in it. Or... maybe the bunny taught the kid how to hot wire. They never really lay that out for you. Not just any truck, a big ass bread truck that could have only been a manual. Now how many of us hopped in a standard transmission car for the first time and just drove off. Not me.

Two words, Su-hucks Ass*.

So the kids escape so they can send Mimzy back to where she came from. Which begs the question. Why the hell did the furture send her here in the first place? HUN? Well, through a series of events way too complicated to write and way too boring to read, they send Mimzy back.

Well, at the end of the movie there is a little sequence from the future where the bunny returns. And because the bunny returns the future is restored. Restored from what? They never really say. But from what I gather, everyone in the future is a jerk. So this guy sends the bunny back to see if any one in the past will send it back to the future. Which if some one sends it back to the future it means that not everyone sucks. And since everyone doesn't suck, all the people that do suck, won't suck anymore. Perfect since!

AHHHHHH!!! Brian hurt.

My buddy Von Urrich gives movie a letter grade. Well, I am kicking this movie out of school. You don't even get a F. To give this movie a F, would be an insult to all the F's I got in school.

So, yeah definitely rent this one if you like Stay, Donnie Darko, or The Matrix.

*Su-hucks is a trademark of Dumb Stuff I Wrote. It may not be republish with out the expressed written consent of Dumb Stuff I Wrote.

Pinky Toe the Size of My Face

Ok, maybe not the size of my face. But last night when I took my dog out so she could do her business, I stubbed my pinky toe on a basket filled with DVD's.

It hurt so bad I was nearly in tears. Keep in mind that this was at 1 o'clock in the morning. So my dog was going crazy jumping all over the bed and running around. My cat wasn't helping by sleeping on my sore food. I thought I broke it last night. It seems to be doing much better now. I still walk with a limp. I wish I was a pirate.

You know... because I wouldn't look like a dork with a limp. I'd look like a pirate... Nevermind, dumb idea.

100

No, this isn't a post about my plans to create a low budget version of 300 with nothing but sock puppets. Maybe later.

This the the 100th post. DAMN SKIPPY!

Me and my buddy Von Urrich have been having a little blogging war. It is no secret that when it comes to updating my blog, I tend to take my time. Well, since Von, as I like to call him because it is shorter to type, started posting with almost daily frequency, I have also been blogging. Now I think he has me beat in new post this year. But Von, 100! Eat that!

I know that at the pace you are on, you may pass me soon enough. We shall see.

Enough about him, this is my anniversary and I want to look back at all the awesome stuff I have done with this blog. Looking back on my blog, I sure have written a lot of dumb stuff. I have also written some crap I really like.

My Future Scalzi Review is still one of my favorites.

Also see My Letter to my Mini-Van, Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Could Blog like Me, and Worst Best Man Toast.

I know it might be just me, but I wrote some stuff I still think is funny. It is true that I find myself very entertaining.

Moving forward... I have no idea what I will find to write about. 100 post is cool for me. I know some people who have been updating their blog almost daily for years. I know they spit at my 100 post. But those people use the word musing.

Before I leave you, just one more Cyborg name.

Get Your Cyborg Name

Playing Keep Up

Here is my Cyborg name, just following Von Urrich.

Get Your Cyborg Name

and here is my sisters...

Get Your Cyborg Name

very accurate!

My Sister: The Fantasy Pimp

Let's say that you invite someone over to your house. You would hope that person would respect your home. I am guessing that you would appreciate it if said person asked before getting food from your fridge, or watching your TV, or using up the last of your toilet paper. How would you feel if that person just raided your pantry and ate all your double chocolate Pop Tarts. What if that person fired up your XBOX and finish all your games and then saved it, so your couldn't go back and beat it yourself. What if they laughed at you about it, "Haha, I don't ever like video games." Bullshonkey!

That's how I feel. I try to be nice. I invite my sister to play some fantasy sports with guys. So, she goes and wins all but one of our leagues. Earth to my sister, you don't like football, please stop being so damn awesome. "I don't even like football, you all suck." Well thanks for reminding us. I should strap you down and make you listen to the audio version of Skin by Ted Dekker as read by Gilbert Gottfried.

Maybe that's a little harsh. Maybe just read by Fran Drescher.

Best of 2007

Start the year off right, with a post.

Last year I did a list of the best books, music, and movies. I am going to do things a little bit different this year. I am going to do best of 07, "Dumb Stuff" style! What I mean by that is, there will be weird categories, like Best Prank Call. Also, if I do a best of 2007 movie or book, it doesn't unnecessarily mean that said movie or book came out in 07, it just took me to 07 to get to it. Let's begin.

Best Movie

Without question, Pan's Labyrinth. Dark, violent, and satisfying. Not because it was dark or violent, but because it was a perfectly told story. It was dark where it needed to be. It was violent where it needed to be. It was brilliantly acted. It stayed with me long after I finish watching it. Great movie.

Best CD

The Reminder by Feist. Not to toot my own horn... well actually, to toot my own horn, I was listening to Feist long before she did that iPod commercial. Granted her last album was no where near as good as this one. There are a few songs that suck, like Sea Lion, but for the most part the album is wonderful.

Worst Book Concepts

Manliness books. Books written by dudes that think it is manly to act like a moron. I forgot the title of the book, but it was something to the effect of The Handbook to Manliness. It features illustrated instructions on how to properly punch another man in the balls, head butt a woman in the breast, and how to grope a random woman at a concert. Classy stuff. If I saw a dude randomly groping unsuspecting women, I would use the punch in the balls techniques on dude.

Best Video Game

NHL 08. The best sports game in years! Flawless in gameplay, great graphics, and tons of play modes. The only not perfect thing about this game is the presentation. But as long as the game plays great, I not be carin'.

Best Prank Call

Normally when I prank call a friend, I assume that they will know it is me right away. So, I usually go for funny over actually trying to trick them into thinking it is real.

Enter Jason, a new friend from work.

We both work together and we both have voice mail at work. A recipe of awesome.

I was at the house one evening when I had this great idea for a prank call. I called him, again, totally assuming that I would be busted as soon as I started speaking, and left a voice mail for him. I did a Kip from Napoleon Dynamite voice for this one.

It went a little something like this.

Yes Jason, this is Felix. I called you last week about setting up an account with you. We had a good talk. I told you that I liked figure skating and you said you liked it too. I told you my favorite skater was Michelle Kwan, and you said your was Danny Bonaduce. I thought this was cool and you sold me some stuff.

Well come to find out, after doing some research on your favorite skater, I found out the Danny Bonaduce was an actor on the Partridge Family. So you lied to me!

Now usually when I make a prank call, if my cover isn't blow right from the get, it gets blown when I mention Danny Bonaduce. Anyway, he didn't know it was be until the very end. After a good laugh we did that only thing left to do. Play it for out supervisors and pretend it was real. They both bought it. It was great.

Last on Board Award...

...goes to me finally reading Harry Potter. Well not reading technically. I did check out the audio books from the library and listen to them on a few trips we took this year. Yes they are great, but I am not hooked like other people. I have gone through the first six books. I am waiting for the library to get the last book back in. If I were truly hooked I would have read my wifes copy of the last book by now.

Best Dump

June 16 at 6:15pm. Amazing!

Worst Months for Blogging

September and December: Zero Post.

Best Book

I said it last year, I don't really read books in the year they come out. That being said, I don't know what the best book I read was this year. So, here are some highlights.

Knight Life by Peter David
War of Gifts by Orson Scott Card
Tears of Artamon Trilogy by Sarah Ash
Last Colony by John Scalzi

Ok, that's it. I going to bed. Happy New Year.

Fantasy Update

I have 2 fantasy hockey teams, 2 basketball teams, 2 football teams, and 3 Pick em' style teams.

You may ask, "How do you handle all that fantasy?"

Easy, I just do them at work. Well, that is until my management team decided we should be working at work and not surfing the internet. Whatever!

The problem isn't so much with Football teams, but the basketball and hockey I need to log on everyday and make sure I have my rosters set. That's easy when you have all the time in the world at work. But now I have to do it from home. It's not all that much worse, but it's easier to make sure that you fantasy team is running at it's fullest capabilities when you have time to do he research.

Oh well.

Last year I won my Fantasy football league. This year, I am overall first in my league going into the playoffs, which only means that I have a bye week in the first round. So I have to win two more games in a row, and I will repeat as champion. Good luck to me. Here's looking at you, ROMO!

Happy Thanksgiving

Hey look over here, I'm posting.

Happy Thanksgiving Ya'll!

My Thanksgiving featured turkey, homemade bread, sweet potato casserole, jell-o and strawberry soup, Stove Top stuffing, mashed potatoes, wine, water, green beans, dog bites, blood, Wii Bowling, and YouTube favorites.

Turkey was good, but I had to carve it. So, it ended up in a bunch of little pieces.

Homemade bread was also good. But I attempted to cut a slice for my sister. See comments about me carving turkey.

Sweet potato casserole was great. I was a little concerned about it considering that my sister made it and not my mom, but it turned out great.

Jell-o and Stawberry soup should have been a jell-o mold, but when I tried to take it out of the jell-o mold, well... once again see comments about me carving turkey. That's right little pieces.

You can't screw up Stove Top, it comes in little pieces!

Didn't eat the mashed potatoes.

Wine was so/so.

Water... don't really know what to add to that.

Green beans = Good

My sisters dog bit my brother.

Blood from the dog bite.

Wii Sports Bowling is still awesome.

And finally, me and my brother showed each other some of our favorite videos from YouTube.

That sums it up.

I would like to now say something off the topic of Thanksgiving. It has been a significant amount of time since I last posted. Me not blogging tends to be a bit of problem and I am tired of coming up with ways to insult myself about it. I don't know if I can keep this promise or not, but I will do my best to not mention my lack of blogging. I will just pretend that it is business as usual. Not that you care, being some one who doesn't actually exist. Unless your my wife, sister, or Von Urrich. You guys exist. J-Diggy Out!

End of Eternity

YES!!!

Baseball season is over! HELL YEAH! That crap takes for ever. All those crappy baseball highlights coming on when I am trying to get my nightly sports update. I am so glad.

Not only that, but NBA season starts tomorrow. I won't be getting the NBA league pass, just because I don't have enough time to watch it and the NHL Center Ice. My Sonics are going to suck. Then, once they are done sucking they are going to move to Oklahoma. Jerks!

Now is the best time to be a sports fan. My three favorite sports are going on all at the same time.

With that, I am in way too many fantasy leagues. Basketball, Hockey, Football, and er.. um.. nascar. I was just experimenting! Geez. Well if it makes you feel better I suck at Fantasy Nascar. I also guilt tripped my sister and my friend Mark in to playing Fantasy Nascar with me. I know when I look at my fantasy profile, and I see that Nascar on there, it makes me slightly embarrassed. Unfortunately it is on there for good now. Oh well, live and learn.

I HATE BASEBALL! I'm glad its over for now. WOOT!

Any Old Thing

Just to prove to you Dumb Stuff addicts that I am really back. I thought I would just write about the first thing that comes to my mind. We all know how dangerous that can be.

Watching the NHL!

I know it's like me and three other people watching, but it's still really fun. I also shelled out the money to get the NHL Center Ice package that gives me all the games. Let's face it, VS. airs about two games a week, and NBC airs about two games all season. So the only way I can get some games is to pay for it. Last season NBC cut away from a playoff game that was going to overtime, just to go to horse racing pregame. That's bullshonkey!

Bullshonkey!

Bullshonkey is my new curse word. Feel free to use it as much as you want. I want to see it in the dictionary. I also want to see kids get detention for using it. How awesome would it be to be the guy who coined a new curse word.

Not Going to the Theater

I haven't really gone to the movies in a while. The last movie I saw in a theater was Transformers, and that was in the dollar theater.

I have been watching movies on DVD.

Blades of Glory Sucked!

Pan's Labyrinth was awesome, but may be an acquired taste. Very violent and weird.

Office Season 3 is, as always, great.

Well, that's it for me... so go away. It may be another month before I post.

For being a random post, I think you got off easy.

Where the hell were you?

Dumb Stuff I Wrote: So, what is your malfuntion?

Norton G: What do you mean?

DSIW: You have not posted in more than a month. Where the hell were you?

NG: I was... doing stuff. I went on vacation, went to the book sale, and ate salmon. What were you up to?

DSIW: Well, let me think ass face. I sat on my butt and watched the same damn Flight of the Concords videos over and over. It was really... amazing. Thank you for abandoning me for a month with nothing but your poor taste in television programs to entertain myself with. THANKS!

NG: No Problem.

DSIW: That was sarcasm, you festering ball of dog snot.

NG: Hey, that reminds me Dumb Stuff, we got at cat!

DSIW: Oh... Sweet! When did you get him?

NG: About a month ago.

DSIW: $#*! A month ago. What the hell? You didn't even post a picture. That's what I am here for. TO POST CRAP LIKE THAT!

NG: Sorry. I have some pics I can upload.

DSIW: A bit late now crack head.

NG: How can I make this up to you?

DSIW: Well, posting would be a start. Update that currently reading thing. Finish it up with not being an idiot.

NG: I can to 2 out of 3.

DSIW: I guess you make being a moron... charming. Just post a picture of that cat and we will call it even.

NG: How about my new cat, Oliver, riding my older cat, Isaac?

DSIW: Perfect.

It's Not Like There is Nothing to Talk About!

I am just too lazy to say anything.

First off, we have a new cat, on accident. It was 10pm and my neighbor comes over and rings the door bell. He is standing there with the tiniest kitten I have seen.

"Did you lose something?"

"No, that's not my cat, but let me show my wife."

"OK, here is the cat, bye!"

So there you go. We have a new cat.

Fantasy football is back, and my draft is on Thursday, which is awesome. Gator football starts Saturday, and the pros kick-off in about a week. Life is good. Now if the endless baseball season would finish up everything would be dandy.

Yet Another Flight of The Conchords Post

MORE FOTC FOOL!










YEAH SON!

Challenge

Since I haven't blogged yet in the month of August, I thought I would try to see if I can make it through the entire month with out a post.

...hmmm

...uhhh...Oops!

So much for that!

Birthday Post

Being that today is my birthday and I haven't posted in a while, I thought it would be a good time to post something.

So... here is more FOTC. I'm too lazy to think of stuff to say.

My New Favorite Show

Now that I am done watching The Office on DVD till season three comes out, I thought it was time to find something else to watch. I just happened upon my new favorite show.

A TV show that gave us lines like "She so hot, She's making me sexist." Flight of the Concords on HBO. A show about a band. Here are some clips. Please ignore how the videos don't fit on my blog. Also, don't wait around for them to load, just hit play.