Sunday, February 18, 2007

Ghost Rider

There is just something about superhero movies. The plot can stink. They dialog can be on par with Star Wars Episode III. Yet when you first see one of your favorite heroes suit up or flame on or whatever, for the first time, it doesn't matter what crap has happened before. All is right in the world. Especially if the the superhero at hand has a flaming skull for a head and rides a motorcycle that's on fire! Why, with that kind of source material you could have crappy acting, one of the worst screenplays you could find, and a choppy storyline. And that's just what the makers of Ghost Rider went out and got.

Ghost Rider is so filled with cliches, it's... it's... well, it just sucks thats all. Jeez! All of the villains are over dramatic. Most of the time they can't make it to the end of a sentence with out using a noise filter to make them sound "really" evil. Apparently to be a villain you must wear a long trench coat, and get your makeup done up to look like a 5 year old that got in her mom stash.

The acting by the villains is amazing. I think I know where they got most of these guys from.

"Welcome have a seat. Now just relax, it's just an audition. First, tell us what acting you have done."

"Well, I never really had an acting job before. But, I have been rejected by numerous b-rate TV shows."

"Really, like who?"

"Let's see, there is Buffy, Walker Texas Ranger, The Power Rangers, and Walker Texas Power Ranger. Oh, but I was in the second Mortal Kombat movie."

"Fantastic! That is the caliber acting we are going for. You see we already blew our budget on Nick Cage. How does $5 bucks and a pack of Ho-Ho's sound?"

The dialog is the worst I have ever seen in a superhero movie. Picture this, Ghost Rider is meeting his enemy for the first time. The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. You just witness Nick Cage make a dramatic transformation into Ghost Rider. That's when he is going to drop his first witty comment, "You're going down!"

Uhh... right. You're going down? WOW! Amazing! That is a moment in film history that you will never forget. "I'm talking to the fire that is in me, let me take control" is yet another poorly thought out sentence. It's a good thing they don't let this guy direct films.



OH CRAP! He is the director too! Ouch, when you said you were cutting the budget, you really meant it.

There really isn't much going right for this movie. Other than a guy on fire on a bike on fire.

This is the only superhero movie where the hero dispenses of all of his foes very quickly. There is a brief moment when Ghost Rider is challenged in this movie. But, luckily the main villain is an idiot and follows Ghost Rider right into and obvious trap.

There are a ton of movies I am looking forward to this year. Thankfully they can only get better.


Amanda said...

I think you forgot to mention the actors starring roles in Birth and Thr3e

Von Urrich said...

So... I saw it anyway. I thought if I had low enough expectations, I could get past the problems. And I could to a degree... but the fights taking like 2 secionds were so anti-climactic. And the air dude's laugh REALLY got annoying after a while.

But seriously, aren't heroes supposed to get the crap kicked out of them before they defeat the boss(es)?

I did enjoy seeeing Ghost Rider on the big screen though. So, for that, it was worth it. But I won't see it again until it's on TBS :)

Norton G said...

I believe Ghost Rider to be to fine a film to be on TBS. More like PBS.