Sunday, February 18, 2007

Ghost Rider

There is just something about superhero movies. The plot can stink. They dialog can be on par with Star Wars Episode III. Yet when you first see one of your favorite heroes suit up or flame on or whatever, for the first time, it doesn't matter what crap has happened before. All is right in the world. Especially if the the superhero at hand has a flaming skull for a head and rides a motorcycle that's on fire! Why, with that kind of source material you could have crappy acting, one of the worst screenplays you could find, and a choppy storyline. And that's just what the makers of Ghost Rider went out and got.

Ghost Rider is so filled with cliches, it's... it's... well, it just sucks thats all. Jeez! All of the villains are over dramatic. Most of the time they can't make it to the end of a sentence with out using a noise filter to make them sound "really" evil. Apparently to be a villain you must wear a long trench coat, and get your makeup done up to look like a 5 year old that got in her mom stash.

The acting by the villains is amazing. I think I know where they got most of these guys from.

"Welcome have a seat. Now just relax, it's just an audition. First, tell us what acting you have done."

"Well, I never really had an acting job before. But, I have been rejected by numerous b-rate TV shows."

"Really, like who?"

"Let's see, there is Buffy, Walker Texas Ranger, The Power Rangers, and Walker Texas Power Ranger. Oh, but I was in the second Mortal Kombat movie."

"Fantastic! That is the caliber acting we are going for. You see we already blew our budget on Nick Cage. How does $5 bucks and a pack of Ho-Ho's sound?"

The dialog is the worst I have ever seen in a superhero movie. Picture this, Ghost Rider is meeting his enemy for the first time. The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. You just witness Nick Cage make a dramatic transformation into Ghost Rider. That's when he is going to drop his first witty comment, "You're going down!"

Uhh... right. You're going down? WOW! Amazing! That is a moment in film history that you will never forget. "I'm talking to the fire that is in me, let me take control" is yet another poorly thought out sentence. It's a good thing they don't let this guy direct films.



OH CRAP! He is the director too! Ouch, when you said you were cutting the budget, you really meant it.

There really isn't much going right for this movie. Other than a guy on fire on a bike on fire.

This is the only superhero movie where the hero dispenses of all of his foes very quickly. There is a brief moment when Ghost Rider is challenged in this movie. But, luckily the main villain is an idiot and follows Ghost Rider right into and obvious trap.

There are a ton of movies I am looking forward to this year. Thankfully they can only get better.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

February Finally Gets Some Bloggin' Love

February gets riped-off!

It's the shortest month of the year, no paid holidays, and we are 10 days in and I haven't updated my blog.

I have an excuse, kinda. I was on an impromptu vacation.

I either got fired, or laid off, or quit working at the store in January. I am really unclear on this, but all I know is I don't work there anymore. So, updating wasn't a problem.

I set off on the job hunting trail again, and ended up doing sales for a very large and well respected company. I gots mad benefits, DOG! It pays well and hooks yo homeboy up with da crazy insane plika plow.

Plika plow...? Uhh.. moving on.

Well, working where I am working, it is rather difficult to update my blog. Thus, no post in February until now. But, that's all going to change, sort of. I am going to try to update my blog at home now. There is a certain level of discipline that goes into maintaining this blog. Not much, but discipline none the less. You have to get off the couch. Go to the office. Log in. Then to top it off, I got to think of stuff and write it. Pshh... like I want to do that. It's easier to blog at work.


Right now as I type this blog, many things are being set in motion. All of which are taking place in my lower intestine. Me and my wife went out to eat fish and chips last night. Well, I had fish and chips. She substituted her fries for broccoli, a decision I wish I had made. I don't think I am backed up, but plika plow, my junk hurts inside. As much as I blog about bad food, you think I would learn. I hate greasy food, but it taste SO GOOD! Fish and chips with malt vinegar...mmmm. (drool) Would it really hurt me to sub the fries, probably not. But they give you a whole lot a malt vinegar and so little fish. I gots to get that vinegar in my belly, and I can't just sit there and drink it. People would see me do it and try it. Then they would all get addicted and we would have a malt vinegar shortage. Then what the hell am I going to put on my fish. Nope, the best idea it to eat the fries with the vinegar. I mean, I can't let the vinegar go uneaten. So, my penalty for gluttony is having to grab my side like I ran 20 feet and needed to catch my breath. That didn't stop me from eating free cake from Kitchen and Spice, and a half a cinnamon roll from The Fresh Market. Sorry colon.

Plus, we didn't get no hush puppies! Plus, it took over a half hour to get our food. PLUS, when we complained to the manager he didn't try to make it right. "What do you want me to do to make this right for you?" Granted he probably was running around apologizing to everyone, but dang, your the manager, you tell me how your going to make it right. When we pay for food and wait a half hour and don't gets dem hushies! Alls I gots to say is PLIKA PLOW!