Worst Best Man Toast Ever!

I was the best man in a wedding today for the first time in my life. As far as the wedding goes it's easy stuff. Just stand there and give the pastor the ring, then smile like it wasn't you that just farted.

Then there is the matter of the toast.

My wife warned me, "Honey, you need to think about what you are going to say when you get up there."

"Naw, I can ad lib."

I got up in front of the mic, looked out to the crowd, and my mind said, "I got nothin!"

I was trying to say something to the tune of "put your wifes needs before your own." Which I did say. But, the statement I used when referring to "putting your wifes needs before your own", was "Doing it." So the speech sounded a lot more like this:

"When you do it, do it to your wife first. Because when you do it to your wife and your wife does it to you, you both get done. When your wife does it to you, don't forget her needs, do it back to her. Me and my wife do it all the time, and we love it. The feeling you will get can only come from one place, and that's when you do it together. So, don't not do it, it's better when you do it."

I hang my head in shame.