Funnel Cakes and Fair Food

This weekend was the medieval fair.

There is nothing quite like hanging out with a bunch of dorks dressed up like their favorite characters from Lord of the Rings. It's wonderful to hear them refer to themselves with their made up medieval names. "Sir Grubinground: Captain of the Rolariand Fleet."

Dorks will normally leave to alone in the real world, but once to step into their territory they get all cocky. They will yell at you and demand you play their ridiculous impossible to win games. "Throws some balls at some stuff, and if you can knock down all 54 targets with 3 balls we will give you this cheap nick-nack that we got for a quarter at the Food Lion. Don't miss out on this opportunity to waist your money."

Me and my family went on Saturday. My better half was trying to advise me to eat before we went. My response was, "Half the fun of going to the fair is eating the food." I am not the only one who thinks this way, my mother also shares my opinion. But once I got to the fair I realized that most of the food they serve is made by the shadiest of people. They don't wear hair nets at the fair. I didn't see any health inspectors coming through. I did see long haired ho-bo's making my french fries.

"So, what do you do when your not slinging overpriced grease?"

"Oh, I sit on the interstate on-ramp and try to bum a ride."

"Fantastic. By the way, your mullet is dipping into the funnel cake mix."

I had the "fish and chips." Which by its self, not that bad. My problem was the rabbit turds in the bottom of the malt vinegar. But hey, "When in Rome, eat and don't ask questions."

I think the only thing worse than a chili dog from Krystal's, is a funnel cake. I know they will make me sick, but when someone offers a bite, I can't help but to indulge myself. Funnel cake is like a sponge. When you cook fries in a deep fryer, you are usually left with oil in the fryer. Not funnel cakes. Drop a funnel cake in and all the grease that was in your cooker is now on the inside of that carbohydrate H-Bomb. Don't believe me! Ask your self this, what color was the powdered sugar on your last funnel cake? I know is wasn't white! Remember what they say about yellow snow? Well that applies here.

Funnel cakes aren't like Krystal's. You can get away with eating one bite of a Krystal burger and not get sick. With funnel cakes, one bite is enough.

"Honey, I am feeling a tingling down my arm."

"Me too, but my hair is also falling out by the handful, damn funnel cake!"

A funnel cake is like a pancake, inside a waffle, inside a doughnut.

Oh, I imagine the next time I go to a fair I will get some food from some shady vendor. I am just going to try and stay away from the turducken of pastries.