Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Last Mimzy

Today I finished watching The Last Mimzy. I am glad it's the last one. Because if they made another, I would have to punch someone in the face.

Where the hell to begin? Well, after I finished watching it, I couldn't stop saying, "Wow, that sucked ass!"

Ahhh! ASS!

Ok, now that that is out of the way, I can tell you why.

First off, the acting. Now, I understand that anytime you have kid actors in a movie, you kind of have to get over that acting of the kids. But, something has to be said about the way they were directed. The main problem was the boy. He really was dead pan throughout most of the movie. Picture this, it's the end of the movie and all hell is breaking loose. His sister ask him to grab this generator thing. His response is, "Yeah, OK." Like the freaking world isn't about to end. Whatever with that crap.

Secondly, the story was ridiculously incoherent. The two kids are on a beach and they find this box full of stones and crap. Also in the box is a stuffed animal bunny named Mimzy. While the kids are playing around with the crap they found they soon realize that the objects inside are unusual to say the least. The rabbit they found starts talking to the little girl. And the stones they found are making the boy a genius at talking to spiders. He uses his ability to talk to insects and arachnids to make them build a bridge for a science fair project. Why he didn't try to take over the world, I will never know.

Anyway, that generator thing shuts down half of Washington states power, there by alerting the FBI. The FBI arrest the kids and their parents, and soon discover that the talking bunny has artificial life. Who gave this bunny artificial life? Well that would be the good folks down at Intel. Yep, Intel. The bunny had "Intel inside". I will wait while you let that sink in...

I hope you have now gotten the phrase "sucks ass" out of you system now, cause it gets better.

Well, with the Intel discovery the FBI is now totally confused. Turns out some one from the future sent all this crap to the past. Not really a surprise, they kind of tell you that from the get;

Well, all of the sudden the kids can now talk to each other with their minds. So they easily escape. The little boy of no more than nine years of age high jacks a truck, in the FBI parking lot I might add, that just so happened to still have the keys in it. Or... maybe the bunny taught the kid how to hot wire. They never really lay that out for you. Not just any truck, a big ass bread truck that could have only been a manual. Now how many of us hopped in a standard transmission car for the first time and just drove off. Not me.

Two words, Su-hucks Ass*.

So the kids escape so they can send Mimzy back to where she came from. Which begs the question. Why the hell did the furture send her here in the first place? HUN? Well, through a series of events way too complicated to write and way too boring to read, they send Mimzy back.

Well, at the end of the movie there is a little sequence from the future where the bunny returns. And because the bunny returns the future is restored. Restored from what? They never really say. But from what I gather, everyone in the future is a jerk. So this guy sends the bunny back to see if any one in the past will send it back to the future. Which if some one sends it back to the future it means that not everyone sucks. And since everyone doesn't suck, all the people that do suck, won't suck anymore. Perfect since!

AHHHHHH!!! Brian hurt.

My buddy Von Urrich gives movie a letter grade. Well, I am kicking this movie out of school. You don't even get a F. To give this movie a F, would be an insult to all the F's I got in school.

So, yeah definitely rent this one if you like Stay, Donnie Darko, or The Matrix.

*Su-hucks is a trademark of Dumb Stuff I Wrote. It may not be republish with out the expressed written consent of Dumb Stuff I Wrote.

1 comment:

Amanda said...

THE SADIE HAWKINS DANCE

IN MY KHAKI PANTS

THERES NOTHING BETTER