Skin:Warning Spoilers! Like you care!

Moments ago, I did the unthinkable. I finished reading the novel Skin by Ted Dekker.

My current state of emotion:I never want to read another Dekker novel.

Should I tell you about it? Sure. I think I owe it to anyone who would actually think about reading this novel. I must warn them about what is found within its pages.

Skin starts off with a woman in her twenties named Wendy, being run off the road by an unmanned pick-up truck. She meets two people, one of whom was bitten by a snake, who also have been ran of the road by the same truck. They run in to the local authorities who are looking for a killer on the loose. A killer named Red.

Why is his name significant? Maybe because two of his previous novels feature killers by the name of Black and White. Black, Red, and White are the titles of a trilogy that Dekker wrote, that was actually good. So good, in fact, that Dekker started writing his own fan fiction. The last four novels that he has written are loosely tied in to the trilogy in some form or fashion.

This killer, Red, has a fondness for eating large quantities of mustard after a kill. Why? It calms his nerves. That's about all you get on that. But this leads to classic lines like "Pass the mustard". What context is this in? Well, Red is just thinking over his next move in the sick life or death game he is playing with the main characters, he smiles and says, "Pass the mustard." Now that is bad ass. Sends chills down my spine.

Oh, right. Characters! Very poorly developed. He gives a couple of them interesting backgrounds, but never delves into their issues in any meaningful way. In the end, you don't really care much for them either way. At least I didn't.

So you drone on and on through pages of stuff that you have experienced over and over before in other works by Dekker. The killer traps them in a house. He wants them to kill each other. The whole time the identity of the killer is unknown. But, when you find out who it is, even though you didn't see it coming, you really don't care. Woohoo, the killer is some turd that was never really developed and plays a very unimportant role in the story up until this point.

But wait, that isn't the big twist. Ever seen The Matrix? Then this twist will not shock you in any way. You will sit there thinking, "It was cool in The Matrix, but this is just a rip off."

Here comes the spoiler, if you haven't already seen The Matrix.

The world isn't real! "WHAT?" you say. That's so original. Why hasn't someone already thought of that and made it into a big budget film staring "Ted'' Theodore Logan?

So the whole time they have been playing this game, an experiment, that your unclear on. Now they are pulled out of a game that has gone horribly wrong. Three people are dead and for some weird unexplained reason they have to go back into the game to "Finish the game".

Did we miss the fact that three people have already died? Why the hell are you sending them back in? WHAT? This all leads up to the main characters looking at each other and smiling like they are one Three's Company and they say, "This time we will play the game together." WOW! George Lucas would be proud.

Now at the end of it all, let me say this. Unless my resolve waivers, I am done reading Ted Dekker. I have read every novel he has written to date. The last five have been mediocre at best. I have found new authors I would rather spend my time and money on. Tim Pratt, John Scalzi, and James Maxey. With my new job, time spent reading has gone down considerably. Frankly, I want to enjoy Dekker's work. But ever since he wrote that Trilogy, he seems to have lost his touch.

On to The Last Colony by John Scalzi. WOOT!

Foes Of The Library

Well, I got one book on my list from the friends of the library book sale. For the most part, I ended up getting books from my reading days as a teenager. Spiderman and X-men novels that were written in the 90's. I didn't end up getting Ghost Brigades, the one book that I really wanted, and would have alone made the trip worth while.

It is amazing how many books I bought that I admit I may never get to reading. Some of which will most likely end up in the Friends of the Library donation bin later on this year. Yet, it still was lots of fun and I got stains all over a pair of pants. (I will just leave it at that and let you guess how I got stains on my pants). I didn't have to hit anyone upside the head, which I guess is a good thing.

Another book I was looking for, Earthborn by Orson Scott Card, which has been there the last couple times. Often with multiple copies in great condition. But, of course, the time I want to buy it, none to be found.

Now, I look ahead to October when the sale rolls back around. I already have put in for the day off and look forward to getting all tense before hand, hoping the people who camped out won't buy up all the good stuff before I get inside. I found myself getting really pissed off when these two old people cut in front of about 100 people who were waiting patiently. Who do you thing you are old man? I better not see you in the Sci-fi section or I will... oh, forget it. You probably like Stephen King anyway. I don't have to worry about you buying up all the good stuff. Turd!

Friends of the Library Book Sale

This morning is the friends of the library books sale. I want a copy of The Ghost Brigades for a nickel. If you get in my way I will hit you upside the head with a copy of the latest Robert Jordan book.

Don't laugh. This isn't a game. I didn't get here a half hour early so some turd with a duffel bag could wipe all the books off the table in to his duffel bag, just to go sit in a corner and pick through them. Don't pull that crap. All I gots to say is Wheel of Time upside yo head.

Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Could Blog Like Me?

I was noticing while I was at work the other day, that I would much rather write a blog while I was on the clock and it is not in my job description. I did restrain myself, and that is a good thing. That blog would have ended up sounding like the me after I eat seven corn dogs at Sonic. I have a coupon 2 for $0.99. Mmmm, Tums.

One thing I have noticed about other peoples blogs is they like to use the word "muse" or "musings".

Dan's Ideological Oasis:Daily musings of a high school janitor.

Ladies Welcome:The musings of Leonard Nimoy.

Just because you think you know the definition of the word musing, doesn't mean I want to read your blog. Musings doesn't make your blog sound more appealing. To the contrary, if you put the word musing in the subtitle of your blog, I'm moving on. Because unless you are talking to an imaginary audience, you sad individual, then STOP IT. Musings is not cool.

Just call it what it is.

Captain Dan's Blog o' Crap:Some dude saying dull unimportant crap.

Ladies Welcome:Ladies don't know who Leonard Nimoy is, and that is a sad thing.

I live by this philosophy. Get their expectations low, and keep em' there. If they're reading your blog, great! But watch out should you actually write something witty or half way meaningful. Cause then they come to expect it.

Write about the time you and your frat buddy got drunk and puked all over this fly girl you was "takin' wit." Are you sure you want to call that musing?

A person who goes around looking for a blog to read with musing in the title, isn't going to want to hear about the McMuffin eating contest you won. But a guy who stops and sees BLOG O' CRAP, should be all over that kind of stuff.

I will leave you with this bit of wisdom. "Make an ass of yourself." That way, when people laugh at you, you will think it is because your funny.

Lack of Blog:Venom

I am sorry about the lack of blogging lately.

Hey there is a new Spiderman 3 Trailer at IGN.COM.

That is all. Will blog again soon. I hope.