I Win!

James Maxey was doing a book give away on his facebook.  The rules were we had to submit a haiku based on his fiction.  Fortunately the winner was based on a drawing and not the quality of the haiku.

And wouldn't you know it, I won.

You can read the haiku's here.  You can wish James a happy birthday while you are there.

A Return to Arms

Hey there,

Remember me. Yeah, I'm the guy who used to write a blog called Dumb Stuff I Wrote. Now I sit on my ass and play video games. How cool it that? Instead of doing something productive I decided not do anything.

OK, I am being a little hard on myself. Don't get me wrong, there is still no excuse for not blogging. I did have time, but I just got out of the habit. It is a good habit to have. Especially for someone who would like to write for a living someday.

I couple of things could be a cause to my distraction. I got promoted at work, and my wife had a change in job, therein changing the landscape of my life, causing my lack of blogging.

But here's to starting a new/old habit.

Two things could be the reason for starting to write again.

1. I like to do it.

2.James Maxey, who's blog you can find on my links, mentioned this blog in his acknowledgments in the book Dragonforge.

Now the latter is the tipping point. I just needed a reason to start again.

Hopefully my absences will result in a wealth of things to blog about. As opposed to writing about the first thing that comes to mind.

Hoping that I post again this week,

-Jeff (J-Diggy aka Norton G)

P.S. Seeing his pseudonym in print made me realize how ridiculous it is. But, it made it impossible for me to think the mention in James Maxey's book was for anyone else.

My Sister: The Fantasy Pimp

Let's say that you invite someone over to your house. You would hope that person would respect your home. I am guessing that you would appreciate it if said person asked before getting food from your fridge, or watching your TV, or using up the last of your toilet paper. How would you feel if that person just raided your pantry and ate all your double chocolate Pop Tarts. What if that person fired up your XBOX and finish all your games and then saved it, so your couldn't go back and beat it yourself. What if they laughed at you about it, "Haha, I don't ever like video games." Bullshonkey!

That's how I feel. I try to be nice. I invite my sister to play some fantasy sports with guys. So, she goes and wins all but one of our leagues. Earth to my sister, you don't like football, please stop being so damn awesome. "I don't even like football, you all suck." Well thanks for reminding us. I should strap you down and make you listen to the audio version of Skin by Ted Dekker as read by Gilbert Gottfried.

Maybe that's a little harsh. Maybe just read by Fran Drescher.

Best of 2007

Start the year off right, with a post.

Last year I did a list of the best books, music, and movies. I am going to do things a little bit different this year. I am going to do best of 07, "Dumb Stuff" style! What I mean by that is, there will be weird categories, like Best Prank Call. Also, if I do a best of 2007 movie or book, it doesn't unnecessarily mean that said movie or book came out in 07, it just took me to 07 to get to it. Let's begin.

Best Movie

Without question, Pan's Labyrinth. Dark, violent, and satisfying. Not because it was dark or violent, but because it was a perfectly told story. It was dark where it needed to be. It was violent where it needed to be. It was brilliantly acted. It stayed with me long after I finish watching it. Great movie.

Best CD

The Reminder by Feist. Not to toot my own horn... well actually, to toot my own horn, I was listening to Feist long before she did that iPod commercial. Granted her last album was no where near as good as this one. There are a few songs that suck, like Sea Lion, but for the most part the album is wonderful.

Worst Book Concepts

Manliness books. Books written by dudes that think it is manly to act like a moron. I forgot the title of the book, but it was something to the effect of The Handbook to Manliness. It features illustrated instructions on how to properly punch another man in the balls, head butt a woman in the breast, and how to grope a random woman at a concert. Classy stuff. If I saw a dude randomly groping unsuspecting women, I would use the punch in the balls techniques on dude.

Best Video Game

NHL 08. The best sports game in years! Flawless in gameplay, great graphics, and tons of play modes. The only not perfect thing about this game is the presentation. But as long as the game plays great, I not be carin'.

Best Prank Call

Normally when I prank call a friend, I assume that they will know it is me right away. So, I usually go for funny over actually trying to trick them into thinking it is real.

Enter Jason, a new friend from work.

We both work together and we both have voice mail at work. A recipe of awesome.

I was at the house one evening when I had this great idea for a prank call. I called him, again, totally assuming that I would be busted as soon as I started speaking, and left a voice mail for him. I did a Kip from Napoleon Dynamite voice for this one.

It went a little something like this.

Yes Jason, this is Felix. I called you last week about setting up an account with you. We had a good talk. I told you that I liked figure skating and you said you liked it too. I told you my favorite skater was Michelle Kwan, and you said your was Danny Bonaduce. I thought this was cool and you sold me some stuff.

Well come to find out, after doing some research on your favorite skater, I found out the Danny Bonaduce was an actor on the Partridge Family. So you lied to me!

Now usually when I make a prank call, if my cover isn't blow right from the get, it gets blown when I mention Danny Bonaduce. Anyway, he didn't know it was be until the very end. After a good laugh we did that only thing left to do. Play it for out supervisors and pretend it was real. They both bought it. It was great.

Last on Board Award...

...goes to me finally reading Harry Potter. Well not reading technically. I did check out the audio books from the library and listen to them on a few trips we took this year. Yes they are great, but I am not hooked like other people. I have gone through the first six books. I am waiting for the library to get the last book back in. If I were truly hooked I would have read my wifes copy of the last book by now.

Best Dump

June 16 at 6:15pm. Amazing!

Worst Months for Blogging

September and December: Zero Post.

Best Book

I said it last year, I don't really read books in the year they come out. That being said, I don't know what the best book I read was this year. So, here are some highlights.

Knight Life by Peter David
War of Gifts by Orson Scott Card
Tears of Artamon Trilogy by Sarah Ash
Last Colony by John Scalzi

Ok, that's it. I going to bed. Happy New Year.

A Review of a Spiderman 3 Review

I saw Spiderman 3 on the Friday that it came out. I had already planed a bunch of crap to say about it. Well, time went by and I forgot all the stuff I wanted to say, so hence, no blog.

Yesterday I was on Orson Scott Card's web page, when I noticed he had posted his very short review of Spidey 3.

Anyone who has read my blog, all both of you, or knows me personally, all both of you, knows that OSC is my favorite author. By reading his reviews he has guided me toward great movies that I would have never seen otherwise. Most notably Spanglish and Finding Neverland. When it comes to book reviews he has suggested very dumpy reads. Most notably Mirror, Mirror by Gregory Maguire.

Any who, sometimes I agree with his views and other times I don't. And thats normal. I have never meet anyone who I agree with completely. Take my buddy Shane. He has great taste in music, but for some reason he really likes the Counting Crows. Eeeewwww!

In Card's review of Spidey 3, he says a couple of things that just annoyed me.

First of which, "[Spiderman 3 has] big special effects sequences designed to sell the videogames." Uhh, what? I thought big special effects sequences were designed to make you oohh, and ahhh. That's what these sequences do. At no point in watching the movie did I feel like I needed to buy the game. It may be because I am a gamer, and I know not to but video games based on movies. Here is a "Fedge" official rule for gaming and movie going. "Don't watch movies based on games, and don't play games based on movies." Follow this simple rule and you will save yourself time, movie, and most likely headaches.

Secondly, "Raimi cast terrific actors in all the leads, and they do a great job." Uhh, no complaints here. Right on. Then he follows it up with this, "I especially salute Topher Grace's entry into the villain category -- if he were in any more scenes he'd steal the movie." Pshh. Whatever? I though James Franco portrayed his character with more depth and believability than any other actor in the film. All Topher had to do was play a whiny little baby. Harry Osborn went through a lot more emotional changes in this film, and Franco played each part with great precision. Card does say in his review that Franco is at his best, which I obviously agree with, but Topher came no where close to stealing the show.

Then he says, "But time after time, the silliness undercut the serious storyline." I can see how you would feel this way, but I thought that it was all really well balanced. Then he said this movie was in the same class as Titanic and Back to the Future. He says that by having so much comedy that it will make Spiderman 3 become less watchable over time, like Titanic and Back to the Future. Which may be true about Spidey 3, but Back to the Future! Back to the Future is infinitely watchable. BTTF is an awesome classic film! GRRR! DON'T put Back to the Future in the same boat as Titanic. (pun intended)

Here is my review of Spiderman 3. It is a great final chapter to the Spiderman films. It is a story centered completely around Peter, Mary Jane, and Harry. The villains are disposable. And as a film about the core three characters, it is wonderful.

Skin:Warning Spoilers! Like you care!

Moments ago, I did the unthinkable. I finished reading the novel Skin by Ted Dekker.

My current state of emotion:I never want to read another Dekker novel.

Should I tell you about it? Sure. I think I owe it to anyone who would actually think about reading this novel. I must warn them about what is found within its pages.

Skin starts off with a woman in her twenties named Wendy, being run off the road by an unmanned pick-up truck. She meets two people, one of whom was bitten by a snake, who also have been ran of the road by the same truck. They run in to the local authorities who are looking for a killer on the loose. A killer named Red.

Why is his name significant? Maybe because two of his previous novels feature killers by the name of Black and White. Black, Red, and White are the titles of a trilogy that Dekker wrote, that was actually good. So good, in fact, that Dekker started writing his own fan fiction. The last four novels that he has written are loosely tied in to the trilogy in some form or fashion.

This killer, Red, has a fondness for eating large quantities of mustard after a kill. Why? It calms his nerves. That's about all you get on that. But this leads to classic lines like "Pass the mustard". What context is this in? Well, Red is just thinking over his next move in the sick life or death game he is playing with the main characters, he smiles and says, "Pass the mustard." Now that is bad ass. Sends chills down my spine.

Oh, right. Characters! Very poorly developed. He gives a couple of them interesting backgrounds, but never delves into their issues in any meaningful way. In the end, you don't really care much for them either way. At least I didn't.

So you drone on and on through pages of stuff that you have experienced over and over before in other works by Dekker. The killer traps them in a house. He wants them to kill each other. The whole time the identity of the killer is unknown. But, when you find out who it is, even though you didn't see it coming, you really don't care. Woohoo, the killer is some turd that was never really developed and plays a very unimportant role in the story up until this point.

But wait, that isn't the big twist. Ever seen The Matrix? Then this twist will not shock you in any way. You will sit there thinking, "It was cool in The Matrix, but this is just a rip off."

Here comes the spoiler, if you haven't already seen The Matrix.

The world isn't real! "WHAT?" you say. That's so original. Why hasn't someone already thought of that and made it into a big budget film staring "Ted'' Theodore Logan?

So the whole time they have been playing this game, an experiment, that your unclear on. Now they are pulled out of a game that has gone horribly wrong. Three people are dead and for some weird unexplained reason they have to go back into the game to "Finish the game".

Did we miss the fact that three people have already died? Why the hell are you sending them back in? WHAT? This all leads up to the main characters looking at each other and smiling like they are one Three's Company and they say, "This time we will play the game together." WOW! George Lucas would be proud.

Now at the end of it all, let me say this. Unless my resolve waivers, I am done reading Ted Dekker. I have read every novel he has written to date. The last five have been mediocre at best. I have found new authors I would rather spend my time and money on. Tim Pratt, John Scalzi, and James Maxey. With my new job, time spent reading has gone down considerably. Frankly, I want to enjoy Dekker's work. But ever since he wrote that Trilogy, he seems to have lost his touch.

On to The Last Colony by John Scalzi. WOOT!

Foes Of The Library

Well, I got one book on my list from the friends of the library book sale. For the most part, I ended up getting books from my reading days as a teenager. Spiderman and X-men novels that were written in the 90's. I didn't end up getting Ghost Brigades, the one book that I really wanted, and would have alone made the trip worth while.

It is amazing how many books I bought that I admit I may never get to reading. Some of which will most likely end up in the Friends of the Library donation bin later on this year. Yet, it still was lots of fun and I got stains all over a pair of pants. (I will just leave it at that and let you guess how I got stains on my pants). I didn't have to hit anyone upside the head, which I guess is a good thing.

Another book I was looking for, Earthborn by Orson Scott Card, which has been there the last couple times. Often with multiple copies in great condition. But, of course, the time I want to buy it, none to be found.

Now, I look ahead to October when the sale rolls back around. I already have put in for the day off and look forward to getting all tense before hand, hoping the people who camped out won't buy up all the good stuff before I get inside. I found myself getting really pissed off when these two old people cut in front of about 100 people who were waiting patiently. Who do you thing you are old man? I better not see you in the Sci-fi section or I will... oh, forget it. You probably like Stephen King anyway. I don't have to worry about you buying up all the good stuff. Turd!

Friends of the Library Book Sale

This morning is the friends of the library books sale. I want a copy of The Ghost Brigades for a nickel. If you get in my way I will hit you upside the head with a copy of the latest Robert Jordan book.

Don't laugh. This isn't a game. I didn't get here a half hour early so some turd with a duffel bag could wipe all the books off the table in to his duffel bag, just to go sit in a corner and pick through them. Don't pull that crap. All I gots to say is Wheel of Time upside yo head.

All Kinds Of Stuff

I would like to apologize first off for the lack of blogging goodness. It has been a weird month. Plus, I have been watching 24, and that just means it's very difficult to get around to blogging.

Job

I got a new job... again. This time I think it is a good one. I will be sitting on my sweet cheeks and answering phones to talk people into buy stuff. It finally happened, I am a salesman. No, I am not a telemarketer, so just calm down.

I will be only fielding unsolicited calls. To those of you I will be talking to in a couple of weeks, I promise to do my job, without annoying the crap out of you.

I went to the companies job fair to get an interview. Little did I know that they would be testing me.

They gave me a personality test, which they say you can't fail. But, if it look like you fit the personality of an ass, you failed.

Then they gave me a vocabulary and math test. I did well on the vocab, but the math test was timed, and they took away my calculator. This is the year 2007, who uses their brain for math anymore? They gave me 3 minutes to do 40 problems, I got through 4. I HATE MATH!

Luckily, that didn't stop them from hiring me after my amazing interview. 5 minutes in a room with me, who could resist my charm and charisma?

Little Miss Sunshine

My wife borrowed a copy of Little Miss Sunshine from a work associate a few days ago. She knew I was going to try to rent it from Netflix.

It's hard for me to think of all the movies I saw that came out in the year 2006, but I think I can safely say, this was the best.

Hard Science Fiction

I love Sci-fi novels. On occasion, I enjoy a fantasy novel. I have always said, I hate Hard SF. I started reading a book by Jack McDevitt called Deepsix. It is Hard SF, but it is great! (so far)

I am starting to wonder if my problem isn't hard SF stories, by hard SF writers. My biggest problem with hard SF is that the writers are way too heady. They use big words, that I don't care to learn. I don't want to read about a bunch of scientist doing math. I HATE MATH!

About a month ago, I was talking to my friend, Shane, about fiction books. I told him, "I just don't like the hard sf."

He reminded me that Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card was hard SF.

Speaker is one of my favorite books, not because of the hard SF elements, but because of the incredibly well written characters. The story centers around a dysfunctional family. I remembered that most of the members of that family were scientist. I came to the realization that scientist are people too, and Jack McDevitt knows it too.

That's why I am enjoying Deepsix. I love SF, but if the characters aren't well drawn, then I have a hard time reading it.

Thr3e: A Movie & Book Review

Thr3e, as a book, awesome. Thr3e, as a movie, cheap.

If you are a Christian, like I am, then you have probably heard the phrase "Don't cast your pearls before swine." If you have something good, don't let some turd with a camera ruin it.

Book: Thr3e the book is fast paced, keeps you guessing, and leaves you satisfied at the end. It is a great story first. At no point during the book do you stop and say, "OK, this is unrealistic, that dialog is cheesy, what the crap was the author thinking." It is just a fantastic novel, regardless of your stance on Christianity. My sister doesn't claim to be a Christian and she thought Thr3e was great, she read it twice.

Movie:While the movie doesn't suffer from trying to be too "Christian", and it never really gets preachy, it just sucks as a movie. The movie was made by Fox Faith, the same people that made a train wreak of a film known as The Visitation (based on the novel by Frank Peretti). Robbie Henson directed both of these movies and is currently working on another movie called House, based on the novel by Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti. House will be a one of a kind film, but more on that later.

The movie suffers most of all from the makers and the actors trying too hard, and sometimes not hard enough. Pretty much every actor in this movie does a piss poor job of delivering a believable performance. If there were any good actors in this film, I couldn't find them. They must have been given bad lines and poor directing, there was certainly plenty of both going around. Not to mention the over acting on a character named Princess. The movie tries to portray Princess as she is in the book, but sometimes you have to tone that stuff down for movies. No matter how serious a moment in a movie, when a old women with too much make-up and a tiara bust on to the screen, it's going to get people to snicker. Then the actress drives it home with an overdone performance.

Most of the Dekker fans I talk to say that Thr3e is there favorite novel. I think it is the best piece of fiction he has done, just because I think anyone could read it and wouldn't have to try to get around a bunch of preachy digressions. It's is also just a great read from start to finish. That being said, why would you give it up to some low budget film makers? Christian movie studios are about 10 years behind in there technology and experience. They are a one way ticket to ruining your story.

Left Behind is the best selling Christian novel of all time. Don't quote me on that, but even if you are not a Christian, you most likely have heard of it. You might have even read it. It had the best chance of turning into a huge Hollywood production. After the success of Passion of the Christ and Narnia, movie studios are more open to doing Christian films. The problem is it is hard to get Christians to go to the movies. Fiction isn't a huge success in the Christian market as it is. There are a handful of novels that have the following that would allow them to be made into a mainstream film. Left Behind would be number one on the list of books that a movie would work for. But, there won't be a good Left Behind movie made. Why? Because the rights have already been sold to a small Christian film company, Cloud Ten Pictures, that put out three sub par films.

If the authors would have waited, and sold there movie rights to a major film maker they would have made a great deal of money. I think it would attract the same crowds that went to see Passion. Most likely not the same ticket sales, but it would be a successful film.

Honestly, Dekker would have probably not been approached by a major company. Even though his books sell well in the Christian market, he doesn't even make a blip on the secular radar. This may be the best version of a film version of Thr3e we could ever hope for. This is the state of Christian media. We write our stories for Christian publishers, we make our movies through Christian companies, and for the most part, the only ones that notice are Christians.

My sister was reading the user movie reviews that were on Fandango. All 15 or so users rated it a must see. I am willing to bet that they are all part of Dekkers "street team". What happens on these street teams is this, lets say Styrafoam releases a new album called "Disappointed Yet?". Then we would get on our myspace and tell all of our friends to go to Amazon.com, where we are selling it, and post a butt load of positive reviews. Now all of the sudden people who just happen upon our crap CD, see all these great reviews.

Granted, there are some people who genuinely like Thr3e the movie. That's cool, whatever. But, the people actually making these movies are convinced that they are producing films every bit as good as the stuff in Hollywood.

Now onto House. House is a book written by two of the premier Christian novelist, Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker. A recipe for a great novel. Only problem is that they have two completely different ways to approach writing a novel. Peretti likes to research his books for months before he even begins the actual writing of the story. Dekker, on the other hand, gets an idea, then he just starts writing, letting the ideas come to him as he writes. While Dekker said in Pages Magazine that he would love to do a sequel with Peretti, Frank said he would never do another collaboration. The fruit of their works ended up being an utterly confusing story that just left me dumbfounded. My sister compares the book to a Sci-fi original movie meets a competitive eating contest. Anyway, the story is weird, and would be very difficult to turn into a movie. But, why would you want to? House the movie is going to be like Baby Geniuses 2, but way more confusing. It will truly be a unique film if nothing else.

I can't wait to see it!

BFTSOB 5: Living up to the name "Dumb Stuff I Wrote!"

I have received a number of complaints (well, one complaint, by Shane), saying I don't blog enough.

Have you read a blog by me that I did just because there was nothing else to do but blog.

It would sound a little a-like-a-dis...

So, me and Luke Wilson were hanging out at a Taco Bell talking about our theological views. I was on my second bean burrito and Luke was finishing up his double dump chalupa when Dick Clark came in the door counting down to the year 2007. Now, when this happened it was the middle of November, so you can imagine our surprise. He still had a lot of seconds to go. The last time I saw Dick Clark in a Taco Bell , he entered himself in the 2001 Taco Bell celebrity "Eat until you pass out" contest. If you remember correctly it was the event that Ben Affleck, Snoop Dogg, and John Tesh were all hospitalized at. Most of them on there third bag of cinnacrisp. But not Dick Clark, his iron stomach never gave in.

But I digress, I looked at Luke and gave him the code word, "Twinkie". He knew that this meant to lay down suppressive fire. Luke whipped out his Uzi and emptied his clip forcing all the taco bell workers to duck for cover. I took this moment to hop over the counter and into the grease laden kitchen where they make the "food". I snatched up all the toys that go in the kids meals. They were toys based on the movie Fast Getaway staring Corey Haim.

I heard a click. "I'm out!", Luke yelled at me.

AHHHHH!! OK, I am going to stop now. Do you see where this is going. I was trying to stop posting blogs like this. Me, writing about the first thing that comes to mind is a dangerous thing. Especially for Dick Clark.

Why can't I blog about normal things, like this sore in the back of my mouth. Have you ever had some one stab you in the mouth with a tooth pick covered in Texas Pete's Wing sauce. No? Well, I guess you don't hang out at Jimmy's House of Lacerations. Any who, that's what it feels like. I have been using that sore throat numbing spray. It helps, but the after taste leaves me feeling like I ate a rusty microwave.

I started reading Nobody Gets the Girl by James Maxey. It calls its self a comic book novel. The main characters name is Richard Rogers. After Dr. Know goes back in time and accidentally erases Richard from existence (kind of). Richard awakes in his own house and finds that he and his wife don't live there anymore, but in his place in another married couple. After repeated attempts to talk to the new tenets of the house, he soon finds out that he is invisible and is unable to be heard.

Dr. Know knows that he has erased Richards past. He takes him from his old house and brings him to a mansion. Dr. Know is able to see Richard because he believes he exist. Apparently this is genetic, because his two daughters also can see him as well.

I really like it so far.

Well, that's it I'm done blogging for today. I think some people just need to learn patience.

Best of 2006 1.5

In the books section of my Best of 2006 post I said I don't read that many books that come out in a given year.

Well, I just finished The Ghost Brigades by John Scalzi, and this is best book of 2006.

It is a stand alone follow up to his 2005 novel Old Man's War, which is also great.

So there. Go read it or know that you missed out on the book Norton G. Francenstien called the best book of the year.

Just so you know, John Scalzi also got the Hugo award for best new author, so you know it's not just me.

Empire and the Bad Book Bug

Even the best of authors can write bad stories.

Orson Scott Card is by far my favorite author, but Empire is bad. Card's writing is great. I have read more than twenty of his novels. I love Ender's Game, Ender's Shadow, The Alvin Maker Series, Treasure Box, and Lost Boys. Most everything I have ever read from Card was engrossing and fulfilling.

But not Empire. It is mostly uninteresting. The first two hundred pages are readable, but after that it slows down.

Empire is a new near future work of Science Fiction that has America in the second civil war. After the President is assassinated, the Protagonist Reuben becomes the prime suspect. For good reason too, his assignment for the pentagon had him looking for possible ways to assassinate the President. He quickly realizes that the report he filled has been leaked, and now the leader of the US is dead, as is the Vice President.

The Speaker of the House takes over a president, and it soon becomes clear to him and Reuben that these plans were leaked to place the blame on the US military and Reuben. When Reuben and his new assistant, Cole, go to visit New York City, they find them selves under attack. The city has been overtaken by Mechs (see the Hoth battle in Empire Strikes Back).

It turns out that these attacks are being planed by the extremist liberals. The next civil war is between the red states and the blue states.

Usually, I find my self agreeing with most of OSC political views. I don't dislike this book because of Card's viewpoints, but for the same reason I dislike most of the Christian Fiction that has come out as of late. There is something other than a great story that is getting across here.

This book is based on an upcoming video game. Which should be the first hint that this book wasn't going to be up to the level of Card's previous works. The publishers of the game had certain things that needed to happen in the story. I think one of the things was the mechs. But being under that requirement, being in the box, must have effected his writing. I found myself skimming the last hundred pages. I NEVER SKIM. I like eating up every morsel that a story has to offer. But, I could not wait to get this one over with.

Which leads me to the bad book bug. Anytime I read a bad book, I over analyze why a book is bad. Then, when I start a new book, I start analyzing it. Reading works better for me when I just sit back relax and enjoy the story. It usually takes a couple of days for me to get over the bad book bug.

Last month, I read a book by John Scalzi called Old Man's War. It was fantastic, reminded me a lot of Ender's Game. Probably because it's military fiction. I started The Ghost Brigades, the sequel to Old Man's War. I am enjoying it, but I would be enjoying it a lot more if I could just get over this bug. Argg!

The Best of 2006

I hate media. All of it, without exception. Movies, music, games, books, you name it, I can't stand.

Well, except for all the I thought was awesome that came out this year.

Music

Stadium Arcadium by Red Hot Chili Peppers, My Island by Starflyer 59, The Best-Worst Case Scenario by Fair, The Crane Wife by The Decemberist, Get Behind Me Satan by The White Stripes, ...and the Summertime Pool Party by Pigeon John.

Movies

Monster House, Walk the Line, Nanny McPhee, and Superman Returns

Thats about it on the movies this year. Kinda slow year.

Books

I don't read a lot of books on the year they came out. Most of the time I pick them up years down after their release. The books I did read that came out in 2006 were House and Saint by Ted Dekker, The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly, and The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor. The only one I would suggest to you is Looking Glass Wars. It's and alternate version of Alice and Wonderland, and it turned out pretty well.

Games

Year in and year out, my favorite game is usually a sports title, except for the year that Halo 2 came out, and this year. Although NCAA Football 07 is amazing and I still play it a couple times a week.

The best game that came out in 2006 is New Super Mario Bros. It was outselling all other games on all other systems for months. It plays like a dream.

The other great games game of 2006 I played were, Far Cry Instincts (XBox), Yoshi's Island (DS), Tetris (DS), and Club House Games (DS).

In Conclusion

Well, 2006 was awesome. I got married in 2006, what did you do?

Soon to be Published

Hopefully, if he doesn't forget, I will be published in Orson Scott Card's Intergalactic Medicine Show. Granted, it will be in the letters to the editor section of the website, but still, it's pretty wicked awesome.

I e-mailed a letter to the editor a while ago to tell him how much I enjoyed the latest edition of the magazine. Being that it was the first issue he was editor of, and it turned out great, I felt the need to let him know he was doing a good job.

I got an e-mail back from him, telling me he appreciated my letter, and wanted to know if he could post it on the letters to the editor section of the site. I was like, "Yes, hurry up and post it."

This is the first step to becoming big time. Soon web sites from all over will want me to write them so they can publish my letters online. I bet they are going to get so many hits when my letter goes online.

YA Novels

I have been reading two "YA" books.

The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor
and
Eragon by Christopher Paolini.

I finished The Looking Glass Wars this morning. It was very good and fun to read. The story moved at a fast pace, almost too fast. That's really my only complaint. There are parts of the story I wish he would have spent more time developing. The pace seemed to fluctuate between really fast and what I would consider a normal story pace. The character development was spot on though.

It is the first YA novel I have read in a while, which is fine by me. There is a lot of great young adult fiction out there.

I am trying to figure out what classifies a novel as YA. Is it young main characters, or the publisher saying, "This is appropriate for young readers"?

One of my favorite novels is Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. Ender is a boy, who by the end of the novel, is just a teenager. The book was not published as a YA novel, yet the YA edition of it out sells the "adult" edition. There are no textual differences, just a more cartoon like cover.

Ender's Game is violent in parts. It is a dark story. It has some vulgar language. Yet, it is a successful YA novel.

As I am writing this I realize that a YA novel is a YA novel because the publisher says so. So I guess I figured that out.

So uhh... now I am debating publishing this post. It's not really a well written post. I have some issues with it. Like, how I didn't go into greater detail about the book I read. What was I thinking? Then, I asked a question that I answered in a few paragraphs, and not really to my liking. There is nothing informative in this blog. Other than the fact I named the blog Dumb Stuff I Wrote, which appears to be appropriate. This is some really dumb stuff.

So since this is dumb stuff, and the blog is called Dumb Stuff, I will publish it.

Two questions I had answered by myself in one post. That has got to be a record.

Christian Fiction

This may not come as a big surprise to you, but christian fiction is not that great.

When I first became a Christian, I didn't read anything but the bible for a year. After deciding that it is OK to read something else, I picked up a few fiction books a the Family Christian Store in Gainesville.

Deadline by Randy Alcorn
and
The Visitation by Frank Peretti

While I enjoyed both of them, but they still lacked something I wanted in my fiction.

Shortly after reading these two books, I bought Heavens Wager by Ted Dekker. A decent work of fiction in its own right, but the prequel When Heaven Weeps was the first Christian book I truly enjoyed whole hearted. It was graphic and challenging, with characters that stuck with me. I had found my new favorite author.

Dekker released great original stories novel after novel. Blessed Child, Blink, and my favorite Thr3e. He also wrote, his most creative fiction series, The Circle Trilogy, which consisted of Black, Red, and White. All of which had great characters, both heroes and villains. Ted usually has a problem with villains, they all seem to be developed in the same manner. His villain have no quality, they are all evil to the bone. They don't deal with an inner struggle over what they are doing. Killing is what they do, and there is no remorse. His villains are never doing what there doing for reasons other than greed and hatred. The Circle Trilogy is the only exception.

But ever since Ted wrote The Circle he seems to be in a slump. Not a slump in the sense of he isn't coming up with good ideas. The problem is in the way he tries to force a Christian message into his stories.

Take his newest novel Saint. The books starts of at a heart pounding pace. The protagonist, Carl, doesn't know who he is, other than that he is an assassin. He is given a mission, that turns out to be a farce, just a training exercise. The woman he thinks is his wife, is not.

As the story unravels the pace quickens, and you find out that Carl is really a character from a previous Dekker novel.

Now you feel like you are in for a wild ride. That is when the book comes to a stop. Now it's time for a good talking to. The message in Saint is about love. Which is fine, I love love. But, it is completely out of place here.

There it is, the problem with Christian fiction. That in the midst of a great story, you have to stop everything and add in a moral, that the reader probably already knows, and disrupts the whole story.

This can be done right, but, I think that your story should come from the moral, don't just throw one in so your christian publisher is happy. When Heaven Weeps was an influential book in my christian development. One of the reasons was because the moral was not forced, the lesson that Ted wanted to teach was in the context of the story. When you have to have an all wise teacher, stop in the middle of the story, and start preaching to the reader, you are doing it wrong. When Jesus told parables, the story was the lesson. None of the characters had to stop and give a sermon. If you have to tell readers what the moral is, then you are not telling the story right.

Come on Ted you can do better!

I will continue to read Dekker, at least for one more book. But, after reading Orson Scott Card, Tim Pratt, and other main stream authors, it is hard for me to settle for sub-par fiction, just so I can read works by Christian authors.

Terry Bisson

In June of this year I started reading a lot more short fiction. The reason for this was the start of Orson Scott Card's online short fiction magazine, Intergalactic Medicine Show. It featured great stories from some established authors like David Farland and Card himself. IGMS also had a number of stories from upstart authors as well.

After finishing both issues of Card's magazine, I went in search of other sources of short fiction. I picked up the June 2006 issue of Fantasy & Science Fiction. Most of the stories were barely mediocre, a few gems here or there, but for the most part I was unimpressed with what I was reading.

My next purchase was the July 2006 issue of Asimov's Science Fiction. Asimov's proved to be a better magazine. Two stories stood out. One by an author named Tim Pratt called Impossible Dreams which I talked about in a previous blog, and Nanos Comes to Clifford Falls by Nancy Kress.

After making a trip to the library, I checked out a copy of Masterpieces: The Best Science Fiction of the Century, edited by Orson Scott Card. I didn't read most of the stories because a lot of them were in Future On Fire and Future on Ice, two short story anthologies also edited by Card. Oh by the way, if you didn't know, Orson Scott Card is my favorite author.

The story I did read from Masterpieces was Bears Discover Fire by Terry Bisson. A great story the won the Hugo and Nebula awards for Mr. Bisson. Later, I was looking through a short fiction anthology I bought used about 9 months before and read a Bisson story called Hole in a Hole.

Having enjoyed both of the stories I read from Terry Bisson, I got on Amazon.com, and bought 3 of Bisson's short fiction collections.

Currently, I am two thirds of the way through In The Upper Room and Other Likely Stories. I enjoyed nearly every story in the collection.

On a return trip to the library, I checked out The Pickup Artist by Bisson. Terry creates a future where the classic pieces of art (being film, fiction, paintings, and music) are being destroyed to make way for new artists to create art.

The protaganist becomes attached to a Hank Williams record and tries to find a way to listen to it. While he is doing so he gets caught up in some goverment stuff that I don't care to waist my time writing about. Anyway, Him and this teacher drive cross country running in to about 5 different clones named "Bob", get them selves shot at a bunch of times, and then go driving again.

Yeah, is it as boring as I am trying to make it sound? Good!

So, I made the desision to just read his excellent short fiction... uh... after... I read just one more of his novels called Talking Man.

Besides having some of the worst cover art I have ever seen, Talking Man also has just as thrilling of a story as The Pickup Artist.

So, this guy named Williams goes to a junk yard to get his windshield fixed on his Ford Mustang. Then Talking Man comes out and puts mud on Williams' windshield and the window is magically fixed. Then Talking Man's daughter Chrystal gets shot at, and Williams and her go driving for a long time.

Yep, in Terry Bisson novels there is a lot of driving.

I'm not going to say that I won't read another Terry Bisson novel, chances are I will. I am very loyal to the authors I like. Terry Bisson is a great writer, I just haven't read a good novel from him yet.

Alvin Maker

Over that past few months I have been reading the Alvin Maker series by Orson Scott Card. The fantasy series spans 7 books, one of which has yet to be released.

Seventh Son
Red Prophet
Prentice Alvin
Alvin Journeyman
Heartfire
The Crystal City
Master Alvin (not yet released)

I didn't read these straight through. I read a few books and short stories in between some of the volumes of the Alvin Maker series. Mainly because I didn't enjoy being stuck in the same world for that long, and me and my fiancee went to the library, and I checked out 4 other books. Plus, I have been reading those silly sci-fi magazines.

The Tales of Alvin Maker series is set in an America where the revolutionary war didn't happen. As you might have guessed, being a fantasy series, magic works in this America. A lot of the magic is wrapped up in gifts that people are born with called "knacks". Mostly "knacks" are really just people being unnaturally skilled at something. Some are great at building things, others have incredible memory, and Alvin Maker can do just about anything.

Alvin is a "Maker", a man who is gifted at making things. His main opposition is in the form of the "Unmaker", who is not really a man, but more of an entity. The Unmaker is the destroyer of all things. When Alvin makes something he sets the Unmaker back in his work for ultimate destruction.

Sounds good, right?

Ok, maybe I don't make it sound that good, but as with most of Cards books, the characters are really well developed. It is hard not to enjoy the world that has been created, and even harder not to relate with all the well drawn characters. Card leaves very few characters unexplored, and it seem as if all of them play some major role in the over all story.

When I was reading the series I found that after Red Prophet, the best of the series, the story slows way down. When Alvin is young he learns some basic things about himself and his knack, and is involved in a war between the Reds and the Whites. After the war he moves to the town of his birth to be come a prentice blacksmith.

From Prentice Alvin to Heartfire, Alvin spends most of his time searching for where to build the Crystal City (a city he saw in a prophecy that he must build), learning how to be a maker, or getting arrested.

If it were not for Card's excellent writing style and his top notch character development, I would have stopped reading it a while ago. Even though I am a little relieved to be done with the series, I am still looking forward to the final installment.

Mistakes

Just a quick note. In my Stealth! Who Needs Stealth? blog, I said that you played as Sam Fisher and a clone of Sam Fisher. Well that was a mistake. You actually play as two other spies that have no names. I don't feel like going back and correcting that blog just I will just tell you here.

Proper Training

"Meow, I'm a cat" said Styrafoam.

I am picky with my books, real picky. Not just with the stories they contain or the writing style of the author. I am very finicky about buying a new book. I want the cover to be in pristine condition, no dents, no bends, and no rips. Also (here is where it gets weird) I am picky in the way a book smells. That's right smells! I can tell you the publisher of the books I read just by the smell alone. I know you are jealous, but its a gift.

That being said my sister has a cat. Not just any cat, but the most insane cat in the 48 continental United States (I here there is a cat in Alaska who is much more crazy). It is not strange for a cat to nip at you when you are petting or rough housing with it. This is even more true with young cats like my sisters. Young cats tend to bite hard. One time I was sitting on my couch petting "Kitty Lumpkens" and he nipped at me pretty good, nearly breaking the skin. So, I gave him a loving tap on the bum to let him know that I don't welcome his nips. He jumped from my lap over to my coffee table. That's when the unthinkable happened. Lumpkens turned around, and started creeping ever so slowly closer to me. He worked his way up to my lap, looking very cute. I thought he was coming over to say he was sorry. I could not have been more wrong. Just when Lumpkens was looking his cutest, he leaped at me and sunk his teeth in to my FACE! MY FACE! Do you see how this could be a problem?

My sisters cat loves to drink out of other peoples water glasses. He also has a tendency to knock them over and spill the contents over everything in a two foot radius. On more than one occasion he as spilled water over a few of my books sitting on my coffee table. This may not be a big deal to you, but to me its like he is ruining my books. Someone somewhere taught their cat how to drink out of a glass the proper way. Look at the good kitty. He is a good boy drinking all by hims little self. I have an offer to make to the owner of this cat. If you are willing to trade you well behaved, child safe, kitty for an insane, most likely drug influenced, cat let me know.

Six months!

Today is my sixth month anniversary with my girlfriend. She is the only one who reads this blog and is endlessly encouraging to me and my writing, what little writing I have actually done. Tonight we are going our favorite restaurant and celebrating. I love you babe.