This morning is the friends of the library books sale. I want a copy of The Ghost Brigades for a nickel. If you get in my way I will hit you upside the head with a copy of the latest Robert Jordan book.
Don't laugh. This isn't a game. I didn't get here a half hour early so some turd with a duffel bag could wipe all the books off the table in to his duffel bag, just to go sit in a corner and pick through them. Don't pull that crap. All I gots to say is Wheel of Time upside yo head.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Could Blog Like Me?
I was noticing while I was at work the other day, that I would much rather write a blog while I was on the clock and it is not in my job description. I did restrain myself, and that is a good thing. That blog would have ended up sounding like the me after I eat seven corn dogs at Sonic. I have a coupon 2 for $0.99. Mmmm, Tums.
One thing I have noticed about other peoples blogs is they like to use the word "muse" or "musings".
Dan's Ideological Oasis:Daily musings of a high school janitor.
Ladies Welcome:The musings of Leonard Nimoy.
Just because you think you know the definition of the word musing, doesn't mean I want to read your blog. Musings doesn't make your blog sound more appealing. To the contrary, if you put the word musing in the subtitle of your blog, I'm moving on. Because unless you are talking to an imaginary audience, you sad individual, then STOP IT. Musings is not cool.
Just call it what it is.
Captain Dan's Blog o' Crap:Some dude saying dull unimportant crap.
Ladies Welcome:Ladies don't know who Leonard Nimoy is, and that is a sad thing.
I live by this philosophy. Get their expectations low, and keep em' there. If they're reading your blog, great! But watch out should you actually write something witty or half way meaningful. Cause then they come to expect it.
Write about the time you and your frat buddy got drunk and puked all over this fly girl you was "takin' wit." Are you sure you want to call that musing?
A person who goes around looking for a blog to read with musing in the title, isn't going to want to hear about the McMuffin eating contest you won. But a guy who stops and sees BLOG O' CRAP, should be all over that kind of stuff.
I will leave you with this bit of wisdom. "Make an ass of yourself." That way, when people laugh at you, you will think it is because your funny.
One thing I have noticed about other peoples blogs is they like to use the word "muse" or "musings".
Dan's Ideological Oasis:Daily musings of a high school janitor.
Ladies Welcome:The musings of Leonard Nimoy.
Just because you think you know the definition of the word musing, doesn't mean I want to read your blog. Musings doesn't make your blog sound more appealing. To the contrary, if you put the word musing in the subtitle of your blog, I'm moving on. Because unless you are talking to an imaginary audience, you sad individual, then STOP IT. Musings is not cool.
Just call it what it is.
Captain Dan's Blog o' Crap:Some dude saying dull unimportant crap.
Ladies Welcome:Ladies don't know who Leonard Nimoy is, and that is a sad thing.
I live by this philosophy. Get their expectations low, and keep em' there. If they're reading your blog, great! But watch out should you actually write something witty or half way meaningful. Cause then they come to expect it.
Write about the time you and your frat buddy got drunk and puked all over this fly girl you was "takin' wit." Are you sure you want to call that musing?
A person who goes around looking for a blog to read with musing in the title, isn't going to want to hear about the McMuffin eating contest you won. But a guy who stops and sees BLOG O' CRAP, should be all over that kind of stuff.
I will leave you with this bit of wisdom. "Make an ass of yourself." That way, when people laugh at you, you will think it is because your funny.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Lack of Blog:Venom
I am sorry about the lack of blogging lately.
Hey there is a new Spiderman 3 Trailer at IGN.COM.
That is all. Will blog again soon. I hope.
Hey there is a new Spiderman 3 Trailer at IGN.COM.
That is all. Will blog again soon. I hope.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
TMNT
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for those of you who don't know. Although, the new ninja turtles movie takes place after the previous live action films. So, maybe the aren't teenage ninja anymore. I guess that's why they named the movie TMNT. Any who, TMNT is well worth the 10 bucks to get in the door, and I will most likely get it on DVD. It's not amazing, but there are a lot of things done right in TMNT.
After watching the movie, it felt like there were two writers working on this movie. One writing a story about the ongoing power struggle within the team between Leonardo and Raphael, which was written very well. Then a second writer telling the typical end of the world story, which ends up feeling like nothing more than what could have been squeezed into a half hour episode of Ninja Turtles. The Raph and Leo story is resolved about 15 minutes before the end of the movie. Which makes the whole experience feel very anticlimactic. Add in the fact that there was no big final showdown between the good guys and the bad guys, the big "Oh no. The world is in danger" story in the film was all to easily resolved, and the final villians were disposed of with great ease. Add it all together and you are left with disappointment.
It also felt like two different people were writing the puns and gags. Some of them were great. Others are the type of obvious humor you would find on Saturday morning.
Yet, I did say that I would probably buy this movie. That is because the story between Raph and Leo is really well done. Hope this isn't a spoiler, but the best, and most likely only, fight seen you may remember from this movie happens between Raph and Leo. I felt totally involved in what was happening between them. I really can't say more without giving much away. But I can say this, the fight seen in the rain between brothers, single handedly save TMNT.
The animation is really nice looking as well. Most of the human characters have that "Incredibles" look about them. While the Turtles have great detail in there animation but still don't look out of place with their human companions.
I will now reference you back to what I said about Expectations and Disappointment. The more I expect from a movie the easier it is to be left with disappointment. The less I expect from a movie, then I will be more likely I will be pleasantly surprised by it. TMNT falls under the latter. I watched a bunch of clips on IGN, and really thought this movie was going to suck. But, it was good. Which made it feel like it was really good.
It's always good to relive those childhood memories. It is hard to mess up a movie that had the ninja turtles at it's core. TMNT left me wanting more, not completely in a good way, not in a bad way either. Overall, I really think they can do better than this, and I hope they do.
One last thing, do you remember the ending to Batman Begins? You know the part where they lead you to believe that the Joker is going to be in the next movie? Well they have something like that in this movie. The big difference between the two is that the one in Batman made me say, "OH SWEET! THE JOKER!" The one in TMNT made me say, "Uh, they could have been a little more specific." If your a moron what I am about to say may be a spoiler for you.
They hint at Shredder being in the next movie. They do it in a way that isn't very exciting. Hey! At least they tried.
After watching the movie, it felt like there were two writers working on this movie. One writing a story about the ongoing power struggle within the team between Leonardo and Raphael, which was written very well. Then a second writer telling the typical end of the world story, which ends up feeling like nothing more than what could have been squeezed into a half hour episode of Ninja Turtles. The Raph and Leo story is resolved about 15 minutes before the end of the movie. Which makes the whole experience feel very anticlimactic. Add in the fact that there was no big final showdown between the good guys and the bad guys, the big "Oh no. The world is in danger" story in the film was all to easily resolved, and the final villians were disposed of with great ease. Add it all together and you are left with disappointment.
It also felt like two different people were writing the puns and gags. Some of them were great. Others are the type of obvious humor you would find on Saturday morning.
Yet, I did say that I would probably buy this movie. That is because the story between Raph and Leo is really well done. Hope this isn't a spoiler, but the best, and most likely only, fight seen you may remember from this movie happens between Raph and Leo. I felt totally involved in what was happening between them. I really can't say more without giving much away. But I can say this, the fight seen in the rain between brothers, single handedly save TMNT.
The animation is really nice looking as well. Most of the human characters have that "Incredibles" look about them. While the Turtles have great detail in there animation but still don't look out of place with their human companions.
I will now reference you back to what I said about Expectations and Disappointment. The more I expect from a movie the easier it is to be left with disappointment. The less I expect from a movie, then I will be more likely I will be pleasantly surprised by it. TMNT falls under the latter. I watched a bunch of clips on IGN, and really thought this movie was going to suck. But, it was good. Which made it feel like it was really good.
It's always good to relive those childhood memories. It is hard to mess up a movie that had the ninja turtles at it's core. TMNT left me wanting more, not completely in a good way, not in a bad way either. Overall, I really think they can do better than this, and I hope they do.
One last thing, do you remember the ending to Batman Begins? You know the part where they lead you to believe that the Joker is going to be in the next movie? Well they have something like that in this movie. The big difference between the two is that the one in Batman made me say, "OH SWEET! THE JOKER!" The one in TMNT made me say, "Uh, they could have been a little more specific." If your a moron what I am about to say may be a spoiler for you.
They hint at Shredder being in the next movie. They do it in a way that isn't very exciting. Hey! At least they tried.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Not So Dreamy
Oh man blogger, I had the craziest dream last night. I had a dream that I had my very own blog. It was the best looking blog. I had a currently reading section and links to my favorite sites. It was great. Then I dreamed that I never updated it. I just let it sit there and grow mold. Even though there was tons of stuff to write about. Like how my new job is going, and my review of the Ninja Turtles movie. Even a blog on how I define the term "Man Crush".
That's when I realized it wasn't a dream. I have been neglecting you. I am so sorry blogger. Maybe I will update you next week, OK.
That's when I realized it wasn't a dream. I have been neglecting you. I am so sorry blogger. Maybe I will update you next week, OK.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Worst Best Man Toast Ever!
I was the best man in a wedding today for the first time in my life. As far as the wedding goes it's easy stuff. Just stand there and give the pastor the ring, then smile like it wasn't you that just farted.
Then there is the matter of the toast.
My wife warned me, "Honey, you need to think about what you are going to say when you get up there."
"Naw, I can ad lib."
I got up in front of the mic, looked out to the crowd, and my mind said, "I got nothin!"
I was trying to say something to the tune of "put your wifes needs before your own." Which I did say. But, the statement I used when referring to "putting your wifes needs before your own", was "Doing it." So the speech sounded a lot more like this:
"When you do it, do it to your wife first. Because when you do it to your wife and your wife does it to you, you both get done. When your wife does it to you, don't forget her needs, do it back to her. Me and my wife do it all the time, and we love it. The feeling you will get can only come from one place, and that's when you do it together. So, don't not do it, it's better when you do it."
I hang my head in shame.
Then there is the matter of the toast.
My wife warned me, "Honey, you need to think about what you are going to say when you get up there."
"Naw, I can ad lib."
I got up in front of the mic, looked out to the crowd, and my mind said, "I got nothin!"
I was trying to say something to the tune of "put your wifes needs before your own." Which I did say. But, the statement I used when referring to "putting your wifes needs before your own", was "Doing it." So the speech sounded a lot more like this:
"When you do it, do it to your wife first. Because when you do it to your wife and your wife does it to you, you both get done. When your wife does it to you, don't forget her needs, do it back to her. Me and my wife do it all the time, and we love it. The feeling you will get can only come from one place, and that's when you do it together. So, don't not do it, it's better when you do it."
I hang my head in shame.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Future Scalzi Review
On John Scalzi's blog he is giving away a free copy of his new book to whoever writes that best review of a book he has yet to write. Here is my entry.
It was funny the first time. Yet, John Scalzi has found a way to convince TOR to release his new novel that can only be summed up as “The first chapter of The Androids Dream, only 300 pages long.”
John Scalzi’s “aliens that speak in odors” idea first popped up in his “not meant for mass consumption” novel Agent to the Stars. It worked then. It was new and it wasn’t the driving force behind the story. Then, in The Androids Dream, another alien race has the similar way of communicating. This leads to an assassination, with the assassin using a device in his rectum and farts his enemy to death. Again, this was only a fraction of the story. Both of these novels have great characters and are great reads. Not because of the flatulence, but because they were written before John ran out of ideas.
Now all we are left with is The Putrid Crater. A heart-warming tale of an alien race that finds their fecal matter to be a thing of worship. This species is also looking to the stars for the first signs of intelligent life. While sending out a “sniff rover” to every plant they come across, the Clowiuin aliens happen upon a red planet that has no intelligent life and broken rolling objects. The aliens quickly learn that they belong to a blue planet that happens to be in the neighborhood. Before the aliens decide to make them selves know to the “half-haired” creatures, they watch.
They notice that the humans don’t save their poo. As a matter of fact they evacuate it from their homes as soon as it arrives. Fortunately for the humans, the Clowiuin’s are a race of tolerance, and they want to teach the humans how to properly deal with the holy goods. All I am going to say is that when humans get married they save a piece of cake for their first anniversary. Well, in The Putrid Crater, the humans adopt a new wedding tradition that is similar only in that they save something for a year, what that something is and what they do with it I will spare you from.
This book covers about every way a person could misuse human excrement. After the first three chapters I realized that John Scalzi has given up on coming up with anything new. I hope I am wrong, but it seems that gone are the days of books like Old Man’s War and The Androids Dream. Now all we have to look forward to are retellings of Beavis and Butt-head stories set in an already explored Sci-Fi universe.
It was funny the first time. Yet, John Scalzi has found a way to convince TOR to release his new novel that can only be summed up as “The first chapter of The Androids Dream, only 300 pages long.”
John Scalzi’s “aliens that speak in odors” idea first popped up in his “not meant for mass consumption” novel Agent to the Stars. It worked then. It was new and it wasn’t the driving force behind the story. Then, in The Androids Dream, another alien race has the similar way of communicating. This leads to an assassination, with the assassin using a device in his rectum and farts his enemy to death. Again, this was only a fraction of the story. Both of these novels have great characters and are great reads. Not because of the flatulence, but because they were written before John ran out of ideas.
Now all we are left with is The Putrid Crater. A heart-warming tale of an alien race that finds their fecal matter to be a thing of worship. This species is also looking to the stars for the first signs of intelligent life. While sending out a “sniff rover” to every plant they come across, the Clowiuin aliens happen upon a red planet that has no intelligent life and broken rolling objects. The aliens quickly learn that they belong to a blue planet that happens to be in the neighborhood. Before the aliens decide to make them selves know to the “half-haired” creatures, they watch.
They notice that the humans don’t save their poo. As a matter of fact they evacuate it from their homes as soon as it arrives. Fortunately for the humans, the Clowiuin’s are a race of tolerance, and they want to teach the humans how to properly deal with the holy goods. All I am going to say is that when humans get married they save a piece of cake for their first anniversary. Well, in The Putrid Crater, the humans adopt a new wedding tradition that is similar only in that they save something for a year, what that something is and what they do with it I will spare you from.
This book covers about every way a person could misuse human excrement. After the first three chapters I realized that John Scalzi has given up on coming up with anything new. I hope I am wrong, but it seems that gone are the days of books like Old Man’s War and The Androids Dream. Now all we have to look forward to are retellings of Beavis and Butt-head stories set in an already explored Sci-Fi universe.
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