Thursday, December 21, 2006

An Interview with Norton G. Francenstien

Hello, this is Alberto Richards with Book Readers Quarterly except in June when we release 8 Issues. We recently had the chance to sit down with not so famous blog author Norton G. Francenstien aka The Amazing Fedge. The reason we picked Norton as our subject for this issue of BRQEIJWWR8I, is because our sales and journalistic integrity have been dwindling, and he is the only one stupid enough to do an interview with us. So with out further ado here is our interview with Norton G. Francenstien.

AR:Thank you Norton for coming to talk with us.

NGF:No problem.

AR:Lets get to it. You have been writing your blog for over six months now. How do you feel about the public response so far?

NGF:Well that depends on who you ask. If you were to ask actual living people, their response would most likely be, "Who the hell is Norton G. Francenstien?" or "Why would I read something called Dumb Stuff I Wrote?" But, If you were to ask my imaginary hoard of readers the response would be very positive, indeed. I think I have changed the lives of many imaginary readers. A blog ceases to be a blog when you are restoring peace to an imaginary humanity.

(At this point, your humble interviewer realized what a mistake I was making interviewing this guy. I still needed my story, so despite what my brain was telling me, I pressed in further.)

AR:Wow! That really is something. Do you ever look back and wish that you had spent the time you spent on your blog, on something a little more productive than writing to a invisible audience?

NGF:Sometimes, I really think I could have gotten a good bit of Madden 07 in.

AR:And you think that is more productive than writing to no one?

NGF:Uh, winning the Super Bowl isn't a big deal to you?

AR:Lets move on. You often post negative reviews of restaurants you have been to. Are there any restaurants you like?

NGF:Oh yeah, I like Millhopper Cafe, Caraba's Italian Grill, Adam's Rib Co, and The Fresh Market. They all make my face melt off.

AR:And your face getting melted off is a good thing?

NGF:Usually. Sometimes, if you go into Taco Bell your face will melt off. But that is just because when they cook the "meat", it releases chemicals into the air, and they cause your flesh to be eaten away. Taco Bell has had to put in place a defense force to keep terrorist from finding out about their "Grade E" meat.

AR:Right. You also write a little bit about sports. How do you feel about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers this season?

NGF:You might as well ask how I feel about getting attacked by rabid French poodles.

AR:How do you feel about getting attacked by rabid French poodles?

NGF:It's OK, I guess.

AR:Who is going to win the Super Bowl this year, in real life, not in Madden?

NGF:I hope you are writing this down, because in February you can come back to me and congratulate me on being completely accurate. The winners of Super Bowl XLI will be:Not the Bucs.

AR:Let's move away from sports, since it seems to be getting us nowhere. You are a reader of Sci-Fi and Fantasy, do you have any plans to write a story in the future?

NGF:Yes, I am currently work on a story about what is going to happen if the Krystal's franchise is not brought to it's knees. It isn't really hard to write, since Krystal's has already started trying to weaken the defense of America. They have these things called combos at Krystal's. They often ask if you want to get the combo. A combo comes with fries. FRIES! The last thing anyone needs to eat after eating 3 Krystal burgers is deep fried carbohydrates. It is obvious to me they want to cause the world a great deal of harm. I just don't know why we haven't seen it yet.

AR:You really don't stray much from the food topic do you? Well, I am just going to wrap this up, because the longer this interviews goes, the less and less likely I feel that it will actually get published. Is there anything you would like to tell our audience before we go.

NGF:When life hands you lemons, pelt life in the face with those very same lemons.

AR:Words of truth if ever their were any.

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